Teaching Children to “Keep Calm and Carry On”

Downplay Your Worries

From your baby’s first steps through the skipping, jumping, running and climbing of toddler hood young children will inevitably fall down. Instinctually, as a new mom it’s hard not to gasp aloud or get immediately concerned for our children’s well-being. However, like most people, young children are very perceptive of the people and environment in their surroundings. The screams and gasps of adults when children fall can be very alarming to a young child, and unintentionally directs the child to be fearful, worried, and upset.

With this in mind since I had my first child, I have always tried to downplay falls and boo boos with the hopes that my aware yet calm senses will rub off onto my children. Of course I acknowledge such accidents with loving affection, but simply avoiding that initial alarming reaction (or at least keeping it inside my head instead of blurting out during a potentially chaotic moment) can have a very positive impact on your child.

My oldest child is now three, and just the other day she hopped up from the table at a restaurant and tumbled down within steps. The man at the next table made a worried noise as my daughter lay face first on the ground. She initially started bawling, so I quickly reassured her that everything is ok ay and it was just a small accident (her new favorite word). I am not blaming the man’s caring response to her fall for my daughter getting upset– I do, however, attribute his immediate anxiety to exacerbating the situation.

The Wiggle Test
Since she was a young toddler I always respond to her (small) accidents with the same consistent guidance. First, we take a deep breath (sometimes many) to calm ourselves down, and then apply the ‘wiggle test.’ Whatever part of her body is ‘injured’ I ask her if she can wiggle it. Not only does this help distract her from any light pain she may still be feeling, but it also helps her learn more about controlling her different body parts (for instance, when I ask her to wiggle her toes and she starts wiggling her feet instead). Bringing her consciousness to the specific part of the body that got hurt almost always makes her feel better. In distracting her from the accident with the ‘wiggle test’ and showing her that everything is okay, I also think she finds it fun—after all, what child doesn’t love to wiggle? By this point, she is almost always ready to walk away carefree from the accident.

There are many times when we are out in public (at music class, the park, etc.) when I notice children falling and parents getting just as worked up as the child. Children pick up on our worries, fears, and frustrations, and play off that energy. Sometimes, if it’s a child that I know, I will lovingly give them a hug and ask them if they’re ok. The child often responds with the common screams and cries, until I ask the child if they can wiggle their leg, wrist, or whatever part of their body might be hurting. This always gains the child’s interest, and at the very least, helps calm them down a bit. If nothing else, it is a good distraction from the pain or common response of screaming or gasping with concern.

Obviously, there are going to be accidents and boo-boos that are too important to overlook with the ‘wiggle test’, but teaching your child the different between a minor and major accident is an important lesson worth teaching. There are some things in life worth getting worked up about, but there are just as many things we need to learn to smoothly cope with and move on from, starting in the first years of our lives.